Such havoc the full moon creates, leaving me exhausted from the heightened state and night of restless sleep. I’m unsure if today’s oddities are due to the full moon’s aftermath, or altogether something different. Either way, today has been frustrating.

My arms are vibrating as if I hit the funny bone, but it’s been going on all day. I thought perhaps it was from typing too much and the carpal tunnel numbness and tingling, but even if I’m standing, it continues. If i try stop the feelings from taking over, by clenching my hands or moving my arms around, my limbs tense up. I’m beginning to feel pretty freakish, something I should be used to after years of physical problems, but vibrating arms and hands is definitely a new one.

All this is making it very difficult to type! Oh, and a mouse? I keep clicking on the wrong things because my hand will make a sudden twitch and send the mouse in a different direction.

I’ve considered I might be toxic or having a reaction to m lithium but last I checked the side-affects list “vibrating arms” wasn’t included. I suppose it might be an extension of the twitching, brought on by possible dehydration, but not with my recent water intake.

Ah, a mystery. Once again, as life is never boring with me.

A good sign I need to go to bed:  when I reach for a drink…and notice my Sobe lid is on my bottle of lithium…and the red Rx lid is on the Sobe bottle.  Niiiice!

I love my parents, I really do, and I appreciate that they listened to me have a serious freak out session over the phone (while driving…not good). But what I hate, what really pisses me off, especially since my dad is bi-polar, mom depressed, that one of the first things they ask me is if I’ve been taking my meds.

Am I not allowed to be emotional?! Does every feeling and emotion have to be explained by medication or lack thereof? Why the fuck can’t I just be upset? Only fifteen minutes prior to calling them I was hunky dory, enjoying a tea while chatting with a friend. EVERYONE has issues, gets upset, throws hissyfits in their own way when things aren’t going well, when they’re sad, when they’re confused, angry or royally pissed off the veins are popping on their foreheads. It happens to those who don’t take meds, who don’t have to rely on nasty tasting, peach-colored caplets to retain some sense of normalcy.

So yes, I took my meds…last night and the night before and the night before. And so on and so forth, because dammit, I may hate these things but I do what I have to do to remain “stable”, to show that yes, I can take care of this thirty-year old woman even when no one else thinks so.

I was not freaking out because I didn’t take my medication. I was (and kinda still am) freaking out because my world was snatched from under me and it hurt.

It hurt, because I have emotions and I feel.

You’d think by now that they would understand what NOT to say to me.

Wowsers! I’ve downed my fair share of Monster, Mountain Dew, mocha or other energy drinks but none have sent me straight into psycho mode quite like two pills of Excederine today.